‘I love watching scary movies. My choices tend to be influenced by ratings, actors, and general internet feedback. Les, on the other hand, is influenced by none of these things…’
Les’ only guiding factor in choosing a movie seems to be how terrible it looks. I wish I was kidding but I’m not. Seriously, the man has dreadful taste in movies. In his defence, though, due to his job and the fact that he’s constantly thinking and diagnosing, he opts for movies that don’t require him to concentrate too much.
When he gets home at night, he’s generally too knackered to follow a complicated plot, so he opts for something that’s simple to follow. For me, ‘simple to follow’ generally means a movie lacks in meaty twists and turns and can often be pretty predictable. What can I say? I watch Les’ movie choices ’cause I’m a good person. Not that good that I won’t complain about them afterwards, but you can’t have it all, can you?
To be honest, I think this title tells you everything you need to know about the movie. This is a millennial movie if ever there was one and revolves around a lonely emo-type girl who befriends the stereotypical blonde, thin, pretty, popular, social media-crazy student at her university.
Basically, the emo-girl starts to get clingy and well…creepy AF and the blonde with all the facebook friends decide to unfriend her. Obviously, this doesn’t go well and emo girl commits suicide. This starts a spiral of ghostly happenings and odd deaths that, to be honest, had me rolling my eyes and reverting watching dog videos on my phone.
Now, this one was technically my choice of movie, so I can’t really put the blame solely on Les. I’d read so many good things about the Toni Collette/Gabriel Byrne flick that I was really keen to give it a go. For the first hour, I was pretty pleased with the progress and genuinely had my jaw on the floor at one scene. However, it then descended into a bit of madness and, by the end, I was just willing it to be over. Talk about disappointing. Still, Gabriel Byrne is a beautiful legend, so there’s that.
The movie opens with a couple driving through a very empty looking LA on their way to meet friends for a birthday meal. I instantly found them to be annoying. They arrive at a posh restaurant and meet up with a further four annoying people and spend $1300 on dinner. This was the by far the scariest part of the whole movie. $1300 for dinner? Jesus wept.
Anyway, the end up with tickets to an Escape Room, where they have 1 hour to rescue a perfect bottle blonde from captivity. Obviously, things are not quite as jolly as they seem and it’s not long (although far too long) before things take a dark turn. If you’ve ever seen ‘Saw’, you know the drill (pun intended). I liken it to ‘Saw’ as it’s the same story, but without any of the ingenuity of the original movie, which was a pretty nifty concept at the time.
I feel the decision was made to watch this film due to the fact it’s set in Glasgow. Now, I’m not saying this made it any good, because it didn’t. Also, it wasn’t chosen by the Scottish half of the household, so I deny any responsibility. Les often picks Scottish stuff to watch on TV for the sole purpose of perfecting his accent. If you haven’t heard a Wirralian trying to speak like a Scot, you’re not living your best life.
So, the story… A scam artist brother and sister ghostbusting team basically fleece honest people out of the money by pretending to banish ghosts from their homes. They’re not even Scottish, this pair, but they do have a Scottish Grampa who drinks whisky in his tea. Clearly, the filmmakers really went to town on their research because everyone knows that ALL Scots do that. He wasn’t wearing a kilt, though, so that’s a missed opportunity right there.
Anyway, in an unsurprising twist, the fakers soon have to deal with something very real and, well, they’re not exactly prepared for it. And, obviously, the ghost isn’t very friendly, so it was probably from a posh part of Edinburgh*. The end.
Ugh. Such a disappointment. Seriously, I honestly don’t know what the buzz was surrounding this movie apart from the fact that it stars Sandra Bullock and has a superbly cranky performance from the brilliant Jon Malkovich. Aside from that, I just didn’t get it. I also didn’t find it scary in the SLIGHTEST. I felt it was a really bad episode of The Walking Dead, but with none of the action or suspense.
The highlight of the movie for me was realising that the curly haired blonde was the same girl who played ‘Dumplin’. Now, THAT was a decent movie. It wasn’t scary, either, (apart from the whole ‘beauty pageant’ thing which made girls really mean to each other), but it wasn’t supposed to be frightening. It was supposed to be uplifting. And it was. Birdbox, not so much. I tell you what, though – Sandy B making down those rapids with a blindfold on was pretty impressive. Until she capsized, obviously.
Have you watched any unscary scary movies recently?